DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
