If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
