put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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