worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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