planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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