Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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