yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
