I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
