In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
