Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
