Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
