Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
