We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
