Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize
