and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i dont even know how to be here
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
