I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
