Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
