you didnt know i had herpes?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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