I hope mine doesn't look like that
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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