I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
