Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
