You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
