I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
