I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
