Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
