The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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