Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
