i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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