I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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