too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
someone owes me an orgasm
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
