Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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