My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
