Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
