You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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