I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
