these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
