You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
