Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
