She is in my trunk
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
