hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
even my farts smell like vagina
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
