i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He felt like a one man threesome
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
