My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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