apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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