It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
