The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
