You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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