i permit you to call me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
