the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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