At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
