my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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