Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
