Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
