i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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