he wants to bone in the snuggie
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
