hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
