My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
