Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
