you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
