Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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