ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
