i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
