YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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