the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
