My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
