I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So apparently I’m into choking now
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
