Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
