She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
