I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize