Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
