life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I look better un-naked...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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