i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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