Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
