you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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