So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
