My nipple is on Facebook.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
